It’s 2004. The world is buzzing with foody, gadgets, and the threat that every smartphone will have a camera that can see your soul. I am a caveman, born in the Neolithic but lived my last 18 years pretending to be a normal human. Welcome to my strange, stone-and-tech world.
Each dawn I rise to the soundtrack of roosters, the occasional scream of a distant neighbor, and the whack-wack of my new wearable, the “SnapWatch”. I ask myself: “Do I need this?” The answer is always yes, because I need to capture my jokes on the back of a stone meme.
My day job is twofold. First, I manage the website cavemanchronicles.com where I upload my latest archaeological finds and blog posts. I pay my rent by crafting spears, but for the web, I Google “how to upload a photo” and rely on my high-end stone-processor – a pre-Crackers computer that still crashes spamming my inbox.
Lunch is the highlight of my 2000s journey. I stir the pan of charred meat while the Wi-Fi Router hums in the background. Today’s menu: Raw Barbecue. I sneak a bite of the roasted elk and simultaneously text my friend, “OMG, this is fire!” (pun intended).
After the meal, I spend hours on my tablet learning about 21st century horrors like eternal 404 errors. The Internet is a labyrinth, but at least I can become a meme‑producing meme before nightfall.
As the day ends, I gather logs for the fire and scroll through FriendFeed, posting my latest selfie taken next to the campfire. The comments scroll by and include thoughtful “Nice rock” by millions. My Followers, I can only say: YOU ARE AWESOME.
As the moon rises, I record the story of how 2004 felt like the last stone age of modern society having the nearest outpost from the prehistoric and the futuristic. Tomorrow, I will update the blog with my new gadget – a Gaia 2.0! Stay tuned, my fellow bucket‑heads.
Thanks for stopping by. I’ll keep documenting how a caveman navigates the 2000s, one strained patience‑long syntax error at a time.